start a new fashion: wear your heart on your sleeve

I am the kind of person who is very open with their feelings. You can tell by the look on my face what I'm feeling. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Anxious. Relaxed. It's all really cut-n-dry with me.

I am the kind of person who would open up to a stranger. I feel that by giving up a piece of me, I welcome others to give a piece of themselves. It doesn't need to be uber-personal, but it needs to be real. Otherwise, how can I expect others to be real with me.

I am the kind of person who thinks with their head and their heart. And although the two don't always agree, I tend to go with the side that is inherently right. This is where the conscience comes in.

If I'm not careful, I can create a heavy heart of my own to carry--full of guilt, regret, what-ifs. And as my record shows... I'm not as careful as I really should be.

So where is all of this coming from...

It's actually coming from a recent affectation with Disney. Disney characters. Disney storylines. Disney songs. Specifically, some recent iTunes downloads have triggered a specific memory:

Back in June, I traveled down to SoCal w/ PASAE and we spent a Saturday at Disneyland. At the end of the day, we stood in front of Cinderella's castle for the fireworks show. Standing there, surrounded by some of my closest friends, in the happiest place on earth... I stood in awe. There was something in the air. The lights. The music. The memories. Emotions seemed to flood into me. It was like a call back to innocence. A call back to what is simple and right and true. A call back to joy and happiness and hope. And in all of this, what really struck me is how my life is not simple, not even a little bit.

I left feeling half-inspired half-disappointed... in myself.

And why?

It made me realize (again) how I had changed so much from my childhood & adolescence.

The hope. The smiles. The joy... Critically diminished.

My dreams. My aspirations. My goals... Harder to attain.

My friends. My family. My community... Becoming more distant

So after that trip, I tried turning things around. Getting involved. Being pro-active. Opening up. Accepting life for what it is. Accepting people for who they are. Accepting myself for who I am--but not being satisfied with that.

Content, but not satisfied.

So here I am, wearing my heart on my sleeve, sharing myself through a blog. Not knowing what you will do with this information... but hoping that in opening up to you indirectly, you might want to open up to me.

Life is about learning about yourself and others... I don't want to be living a half-life.