start a new fashion: wear your heart on your sleeve

I am the kind of person who is very open with their feelings. You can tell by the look on my face what I'm feeling. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Anxious. Relaxed. It's all really cut-n-dry with me.

I am the kind of person who would open up to a stranger. I feel that by giving up a piece of me, I welcome others to give a piece of themselves. It doesn't need to be uber-personal, but it needs to be real. Otherwise, how can I expect others to be real with me.

I am the kind of person who thinks with their head and their heart. And although the two don't always agree, I tend to go with the side that is inherently right. This is where the conscience comes in.

If I'm not careful, I can create a heavy heart of my own to carry--full of guilt, regret, what-ifs. And as my record shows... I'm not as careful as I really should be.

So where is all of this coming from...

It's actually coming from a recent affectation with Disney. Disney characters. Disney storylines. Disney songs. Specifically, some recent iTunes downloads have triggered a specific memory:

Back in June, I traveled down to SoCal w/ PASAE and we spent a Saturday at Disneyland. At the end of the day, we stood in front of Cinderella's castle for the fireworks show. Standing there, surrounded by some of my closest friends, in the happiest place on earth... I stood in awe. There was something in the air. The lights. The music. The memories. Emotions seemed to flood into me. It was like a call back to innocence. A call back to what is simple and right and true. A call back to joy and happiness and hope. And in all of this, what really struck me is how my life is not simple, not even a little bit.

I left feeling half-inspired half-disappointed... in myself.

And why?

It made me realize (again) how I had changed so much from my childhood & adolescence.

The hope. The smiles. The joy... Critically diminished.

My dreams. My aspirations. My goals... Harder to attain.

My friends. My family. My community... Becoming more distant

So after that trip, I tried turning things around. Getting involved. Being pro-active. Opening up. Accepting life for what it is. Accepting people for who they are. Accepting myself for who I am--but not being satisfied with that.

Content, but not satisfied.

So here I am, wearing my heart on my sleeve, sharing myself through a blog. Not knowing what you will do with this information... but hoping that in opening up to you indirectly, you might want to open up to me.

Life is about learning about yourself and others... I don't want to be living a half-life.

on my way

It is a rainy Saturday in Seattle. I am at work supervising 3 crews. There's a 30-foot wall being poured, another one being formed, and scaffolding going up for another tank. It'll be a 10-hour day for sure.

I should be home just in time to shower and get ready for the Alicia Keys concert tonight. Woo!

So... I've officially lost 1/5 of my target weight loss for the year! Awesome! I'm about 2 months behind due to some major slackage... but I must say that I do feel good. Working out everyday and making healthy food choices is what I can attribute it all to. No fad diets... no cleansing... just hard work and smart choices.

The alcohol intake is also at a low... which is good considering my experience on Aug 23. holy moly... what a night. And I've been dining out less. All of this is very good for my wallet, too.

-------------------------------------------------------

I been thinking about going back to school after Brightwater. I don't know what my next move will be with Kiewit, but I'm seriously considering a Masters in CM or getting an MBA. After which, I would gladly come back to work with Kiewit. I've really grown to enjoy the company. I see our growth potential.. and I see mine, too. Heck... we're looking at work in Dubai... crazy right?! But pretty exciting. One reason I initially signed w/ the NorCal district is because I thought I'd be able to stay in the Bay Area. Lo and behold, I'm now in Seattle. A lot of the district work is in Canada now, too. The opportunities to travel are really tempting. I'm young, not married, no kids... this is the time to do it. It's exciting for me just thinking about what the next 4 or 5 years will be like as long as I stay focused, work hard, and strive for continual growth.

I've done a lot of training w/ the company over the past 3 months. It was great to come back to the bay for each training and spend time at home, watch some TFC, catch up with my sisters, hangout w/ the guys, and be with Chris. I can say that I haven't really felt homesick up here because I was able to come back so much. I racked up some major mileage points this summer... perhaps these will be applied for a vegas trip in january... sweet!

It's been crazy and hectic... just the way I like it. Work just seems to move faster and faster. I love being outside where the action is happening... figuring out how it all gets done... making sure it gets done on time... chopping it up with the crews. I'm learning so much. I usually get in a 10-11 hour day and rush over to Kirkland Dance Center for 1-2 hours of dance.

Dance.... *sigh*

So I started taking classes at KDC in August. For the first two weeks, I was just testing out the waters, seeing what the choreographers were like, and seeing what my own levels were. A month and a half into it, I'm taking about 7 classes a week. On Monday I've got a hip hop and a contemporary class. On Tuesday, lyrical jazz. Wednesday, lyrical jazz & cardio hip hop. Thursday, "girly" hip hop & jazz (or strip aerobics... lol). I'm also participating in the Nov. 15 charity show and we have rehearsals on Friday. I think I'm gonna be in about 3 pieces--all hiphop. Very excited! There is just something about dance that melts all my work-related stress away. I don't think I'll ever stop dancing.

So that's where I'm at after being in Washington for 7.5 months. Back to doing the things I love: challenging myself professionally, physically, and emotionally.

yes... challenging myself emotionally... sounds weird... but it's true. sometimes you need to dig into yourself to get your better self out. and sometimes you need to dig into others to get their better selves

k.i.t.
peace.